Read this list:

“14 Reasons Why Having A Guy Best Friend Is Better Than A Boyfriend

No need to engage in the world’s dumbest texting conversations.

“Hey, how are you?” “Hey, what’s up?” “Hey, how’s your day going?”

These are a few of the totally unnecessary bullsh*t conversations we feel we need to have when we are in relationships….

Texting is only reserved for inside jokes and making plans for the immediate future (i.e. “Get up, let’s get breakfast” as opposed to “Hey! Are you gonna be free to maybe get dinner at this new place in Greenwich next Friday?”).

You don’t have to worry about annoying him.

If your boyfriend doesn’t respond to a “get up, let’s get breakfast” text, you might hesitate to call him 37 times and finally resolve to show up at his front door to physically wake him up yourself for fear that he might think you’re crazy…

You don’t have to buy him gifts for random bullsh*t holidays.

There is one holiday that forces you to buy a gift for your male best friend, and that is his birthday… just buy him a gift card or a bottle of his favorite liquor and you should be good to go.”

Ok, so maybe the list isn’t so accurate, but you get the point (sounds like this author is rather spiteful towards her past boyfriends, or to the dynamic itself due to her lack of success).

Just for the sake of argument, take a look at this list. What is the recurring theme? A high degree of comfort, for one. But that can’t be it. The longer a relationship lasts, regardless of friend/boyfriend dynamic, the higher the level of comfort. So what could it be?

The answer here is anxiety. And when I say anxiety, I am not referring to any debilitating disorder rooted in fear or stress. Rather, I am referring to excitement.

If you flip most of these scenarios to the inverse, you’d find a girlfriend who is kept on her toes. The interesting thing is that most of this is done in her head as a response to the boyfriend-girlfriend framework (is he still into me? how do I keep him? etc.). This response is a combination of uncertainty coupled with attraction, which leads directly to excitement.

A lack of excitement would indicate that either one or both of those elements is missing, landing you squarely into the friendzone. She’s not turned on by you, simply because she is not attracted, or you have obliterated any chance of uncertainty by being overeager.

Similarly, you’ll notice in married couples that the uncertainty has mostly vanished due to the nature of the commitment, which dampens the relationship. While men have found ways to maintain the attraction, others have utilized what they call soft dread, which can include receiving attention from other women, planting the seed of uncertainty back in the mind of their spouse.

There’s nothing wrong with having female friends. In fact, I recommend that young men in the dating game purposefully befriend a couple of attractive women for their age. However, if you’re in a “what are we” scenario, caught between sporadic bouts of her attention and an inability to close, you may want to step back and look for the signals.

Your choices are unlimited: flirt in front of your crush to show what you’re capable of. Become hyper-focused on your appearance, don your feather boa, and be attractive.

Or best yet, figure out what you want, determine where you are investing your attention, and  allocate your efforts accordingly. No need to obsess over a potential relationship status when the most important person you should have a relationship with is staring back at you in the mirror.